Tuesday, February 28, 2012

it's national pancake day.
i just learned his secret ingredient.

i sleep in fits.  i wake up and smell my baby's head in the middle of the night for proof that this is all real.  life is happening anyway, without all of us onboard.  that so easy one day it could all be gone.  we could be all alone, on either side of the thin lifeline. 

i could rage against the ways of fate in the inequity of it all.  but it's national pancake day.  such a blunt way of the world reminding me that he isn't left on the shore as we sail away with our arms reaching out off the back of the boat, trying to grasp reaching fingertips. 

everytime we eat a pancake or plant a seed or catch a fish or blink our eyes or exist in some way, he is a shadow on the wall a pulse in our hearts, some of the fibers of our very being.  they're not gone.

that's how this whole thing works.  someone finds someone and someone is made.  and that someone meets someone new and their threads are stitched together into another someone new.  and that someone new goes forth without all of the other someones that came before.  and perhaps that's the hardest part about being a someone to someone.  the going forth.  the young ones grow up.  the old ones pass on.  the unhappy ones find other ones.  but in all of that, the weaving back and forth cannot be undone.  and perhaps that is the only way we can live fully.

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
-Regina Spektor

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